Sorry Says Me
by LilyGhost
Summary: This story is my Babe way of taking on - and apologizing for - current issues, behavior, and comments made, that I personally have issues with and am sorry anyone has had to hear.


**I don't consider this a political story. To me, it's just one highlighting the behavior I feel is right or very wrong. All familiar characters belong to Janet. The mistakes and opinions below are solely mine.**

"Has someone ever disgusted you so thoroughly, that seeing their face or even just hearing their name, makes you so mad ... you want to bash your head repeatedly against a brick wall because even _that_ feels like it makes more sense than what you're witnessing?"

"No. I don't allow anyone to have that kind of power over me," Ranger stated matter of factly. " _You're_ the _only_ person I've ever let inside my head."

"That explains why you're so calm when I feel frustrated enough to pluck my hair out strand by strand and choke myself with the rope it'd make. The world outside of Rangeman is like a flashback to when I was stuck with Joyce growing up. She'd hone in on one kid or one little clique and set them up to have to fight for their lives everyday at lunch against her group of suck-ups who were covering up their own insecurities by bullying us."

"This is what I love about you, Babe. You don't hold back or sugarcoat your feelings anymore."

"Believe me, I'm actually doing everything I can to keep my anger out of stroke-range. Can you believe all the shit that's being said? Can _anyone_ really?"

"Can I believe it's being said?" He asked. "Yes. Can I believe it's being applauded by certain groups of people ... like your parents for instance? Unfortunately, I can believe that, too. Do I agree with any of what is considered acceptable behavior these days, or was this what I dedicated my life to fight for and protect? Absolutely not. My job is to defend our freedom _period_ , not freedom for only those I personally deem worthy of having it."

"I know a few people who _I_ don't deem worthy. My old apartment is the _only_ shithole on this planet, but I'm even offended on its behalf that anyone would use _that word_ to describe places they know _nothing_ about. Hell, you've actually stayed in my apartment a few times and the worst you've ever said about it was that it needs better security."

"Insulting people, their lives, or the things in it, doesn't garner results. Offending people in general doesn't tend to make them feel sympathetic towards you or what you will eventually need from them."

"No, it doesn't. Joe told me once that my apartment should be condemned, so I immediately told him he should get the hell out of it which would instantly up its appeal."

"Another one whose mouth keeps getting his ass in trouble, yet nothing damaging sticks because there's always someone defending him or somebody to fall on his sword for him."

"Yup. And as a woman who was once a girl who'd been used as a tunnel for a pervy little train, I don't appreciate anyone suggesting, or even joking, that it'd be okay to use women's crotches like they would catcher's mitts. From spending more time with my nieces, I've learned that kids are always watching and they hear everything they're not supposed to. I'll tell you right now, the boys in my nieces' and Julie's schools had better have been shielded from that so they don't think it's okay to do that themselves. If anyone tried anything like that to anybody I care about, or if their dads came at me with the same idea ... even had _the thought_..."

"It would be their last one. My job as Julie's father is not only to protect her against anyone with criminal or harmful intent no matter their position, but to also teach her right from wrong, flirting from abuse, and ultimately that she is not to put up with what she doesn't deserve. I would end any boy or man who touched _her_ , _you_ , or _your nieces_ , inappropriately, but what helps me sleep at night is I believe Julie won't hesitate to protect herself and will immediately tell me who tried to hurt her so I can finish the lesson."

"If you could finally convince me that what I went through wasn't just typical kid/teenage play, you can convince anyone of anything. I thought the garage and Tasty Pastry happened just because I was stupid and there at the time."

"It was _never_ you. You were one of the unfortunate on a list to be crossed off. Morelli had a systematic agenda going. You've said so yourself ... that he got just about every neighborhood girl into his garage at some point, and that he purposely targeted virgins all during high school. That sounds like a predator on a perpetual hunt, not an innocent little boy just curious about the differences between his and his female friend's anatomy."

"See, you're such a good guy. One who respects other people, fights for those in need of help, _and_ you know how to handle money and run an empire without people feeling terrorized or them feeling like they need to turn on each other out of hatred or out of desperation. I keep wondering now how I'm supposed to tell my nieces to be good, discourage them from picking fights with each other and other kids, advise them to be kind to everyone they meet, and not judge anyone because we're _all_ going through something even if it's not visible, without feeling like I'm leading good kids out to a moral slaughter to be used by the power's that currently be. _Nice_ doesn't make news anymore ... unless you become a victim of someone who isn't."

"It's sad but true."

"Violence, threats, hate, and disrespect, are the top sellers. And it's not right. But if they _are_ going to bury us in doom and gloom 24-7, we should get at least ten minutes of happy stories at the end of every news hour, just so we don't start to believe that there's no good in the world anymore, and we shouldn't waste our time looking for it."

"Is there going to be a proposal to fund a Rangeman Media Corporation on my desk tomorrow morning?" My Man In Black asked me.

"Don't be surprised if I try to sell you on the idea," I told him. "The way mass shootings are being covered, if you didn't know it was tragically real, you'd swear you were listening to a trailer for the next summer blockbuster the way they're sensationalized ... enough to inspire copycat killers looking for the same 'fame'. Lisa's now afraid to leave the house, convinced she's going to get shot just stepping out their front door. I can't imagine what magic words Val will have to come up with to reassure Lisa when she starts school. I myself want to throw up when I see our guys just as affected when the actual footage and 911 calls are released, and they have to hear rifle-fire from weapons I've heard them say don't belong in civilian hands, opening fire ... the same shots they've heard while overseas when they were under attack themselves."

"That sound is as much a trigger as fireworks, vehicular backfires, and jackhammers."

"It's horrible that they survive everything they went through and come home only to see that they and their families aren't safe here, either. They were willing to put their lives on the line to protect us from terrorists, yet we seem to be growing our own version of them, and it's likely they won't be able to save us from any of them. I literally saw that exact realization appear in Cal's eyes when he heard about the latest shooting. That actually hurt me more than getting shot myself. They get up every morning believing _they're_ what stands between good and evil, and they get hit twice as hard with the knowledge that they really can't protect or save everyone."

"That's why I told Louis to remove the television that was once in the control room kitchen. We all know what being in a firefight sounds like, and I'm not alright with harming my people for the sake of breaking news or higher ratings," Ranger shared.

"There should be a way to support everyone affected by these attacks without glorifying the crime and the shooters responsible and scaring little kids or opening war wounds for our Vets. I know ... like maybe putting some real effort into figuring out how to prevent mass shootings in the first place."

"I can give Valerie a few pointers on how to lessen Lisa's fear about going out and eventually to school ... and provide a few bodyguards for your nieces like I've done with Julie. Maybe your sister won't turn down the security offer now that there's a real threat everyday."

"That's okay for their bodies, but what do we do about the media warfare messing with all of our minds. I feel like I did as a teen, sitting with Grandma when she'd watch professional wrestling. I had a hard time figuring out what was part of a script and someone's 'character', and what was reality and their actual lives that had nothing to do with the performance they were selling. All of this ... _'It's fake when I don't agree with what's being reported_ ' ... ' _I didn't do it, but even if I did, they're way worse_ ' declarations ... and ' _They started it!'_ excuses, can make even the sanest listener feel crazy, when facts are being ignored in favor of thinking if you repeat lies often enough, they'll turn into truth eventually."

"Fortunately, the majority has been able to find the truth between the lies."

"I wish I believed that. Lord knows I prove the ' _stating something makes it instantly fact_ ' thing to be untrue every week after I try to convince myself that doughnuts contain no fat or calories, yet each week I end up having to work off two bakery-caused pounds. I would ask if you can you imagine what our current he said/they claim climate does to people who survived one kind of nightmare and now have to navigate this one, when they already thought we're on the verge of self-destructing as a Nation. But you know Junior's buddy and what he's been going through lately, trying to sift through different headlines and figure out who the evil party is, and who or what exactly he should be protecting himself and his family from."

"PTSD paranoia is no joke," he told me, in a tone that scared me a little. "It can make you believe the wrong people for all the right reasons. It's difficult to take time to sort through every comment, lie, or accusation, various people and organizations are shoving down your throats, when the fight or flight part of your brain is telling you to act _NOW_. You're too busy trying to make sense of what's already in your own head to dissect everyone else's motives. Junior's keeping a close eye on Cannon so he doesn't end up a statistic or another victim to exploit."

"This is why I don't like magic acts ... essentially, you're walking into something knowing that you're about to be hoodwinked. And that's how I feel every time I look at this thing," I told him, my blood pressure spiking after another glance at the screen.

There's so many people to worry about, between my nieces, Mary Lou and Eddie's kids, and all the RangeMen working and living in multiple buildings. Everyday I wake up afraid I'm going to lose one of them.

"Put your phone down, Babe. You know how angry headlines make you. I'm running out of ways to calm you down when you get pissed off or how to cheer you up when you get worried or depressed."

That got my teeth to stop grinding and my lips considering a smile. "That's the only kind of lying I support. You're not running out of anything, least of all ideas on how to love me. You make me feel better than anything, even at times when I think civilization is actually coming to an end or our country is seconds away from imploding. Isn't that what happened with the dinosaurs? They got too cocky, believing they ran the whole show ... and BOOM! _Heeeellllo_ asteroid?"

"That's one theory."

"Well to me ... it feels like our asteroid is hurtling towards earth as we speak. I hate how the rest of the world sees us right now. I hate even more the way people in our own city are treating our guys, our _friends_ , when they're keeping even the mouthy assholes safe no matter the crap they have to endure in the process. I'm tired of my Rangeguys feeling hurt or getting into fights because some idiot calls them 'illegal'. They're not, but that's not the point. NO ONE should be called that ... _a human being_ can't be against the law. If these jerks bothered to _listen_ instead trying to bait someone, they'd know that Hector's a quarter Comanche and Ramon's grandmother was half Wampanoag, which makes both of them _waaay_ more 'American' than I am, despite the way the three of us look or what language they're speaking. Their ancestors lived here long before Columbus was asking the stars for directions and still got lost in the process."

"Hector told me that you said exactly that to someone trying to provoke him with 'Wall' talk when they gave their opinion on which side he belongs on."

"That wasn't my finest moment," I admitted.

"Hector disagrees. He made a beeline for my office when the two of you got back from that FTA pickup just to tell me how proud I would've been of you. I _was_ extremely proud then ... _and now_. You continue to give me a reason to be proud of you every day."

"It goes without saying that our guys belong here with us even if my mother and Morelli keep claiming they're all law-breakers, rather than legal enforcers. But it's not only our people being discriminated against that I'm pissed about. I wonder if we're going to have to give back the Statue of Liberty if we stop letting people escape their personal hells and try for a better life here. When it comes right down to it, we're all running from something, aren't we?"

Ranger wrapped his arms around me and tucked me against his body for safekeeping. And also, I'd bet, to keep me still for at least a second or two.

"You don't have to convince me, Steph. My own grandparents leaving Cuba resulted in me being where I am right now."

"Which is exactly where _you_ belong," I repeated. "But it's not like I can do my own press tour and make a stop in _every_ country across the globe to apologize to every single person and painstakingly explain that I/we don't think or feel the way headlines are suggesting we do. I definitely don't believe people should be divided and treated differently because of race, gender, or income. No matter where we live, or what we look like, we should all be respected equally and actually appreciated for our differences. I mean, I think I've evolved a little more just from this morning, so someone who appears to _de_ -evolve by the millisecond definitely DOES NOT speak for - or represent - me."

"It's not your job to save the world," Ranger told me with a comforting kiss to my curls.

"My head, heart, and stomach, feels like it is when the supposed 'leaders' are busy acting like spoiled, entitled seven-year-olds arguing about who rules the monkey bars on the playground. Why _aren't_ you as pissed as I am? It's people like you who are going to be called in to end whatever war gets started by a friggin' - _my Nuclear penis is bigger than yours_ \- contest. Yet _I'm_ the one pacing the length of our apartment at the thought you might have to leave, while you're just calmly standing here watching me."

"I'm trying to calm you down by example before you hyperventilate."

"I'm working on it. But I'm warning you right now, I _AM NOT_ letting you get shipped off somewhere to fight someone else's battle for them. If certain people want to show how tough they are ... let _them_ try to survive a war they created. If I hear one more time ' _If you don't like what's going on, you can change it in four years'_ I'm going _to scream!_ Do you know how many people can die in four freakin' years if even more troops need to be deployed? How damaged our planet will be in 1,460 days if all the protection for it and us have been removed? How much irreparable harm will have been done to our credibility as a Nation in that timespan ... considering how differently we're already being perceived around the world?"

"I've lost a number of friends and men, so I unfortunately know - down to the name, age, and grieving family members, of every one of them - how many lives can be lost for the most honorable of reasons ... or the exact opposite. But it's not my job to question why and where I'm needed, it's my duty to show up and do it."

"I don't suppose you can promise me that things will get better, and that we will all survive this, can you?"

"I can't, but I _do_ promise that I will always be a man you can look to for proof that good ones do exist, that hope remains even when it doesn't feel like it, and that a country is as great as its _citizens_ decide to make it."


End file.
